I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Mom said you looked used
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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