I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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