So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
