I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
