What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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