Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
