she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
