then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
