I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
