K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
