I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ketchup is God's man juice
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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