you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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