She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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