Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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