How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
