Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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