I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
