Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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