I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
