good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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