the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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