i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
