Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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