thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
