My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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