I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize