glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
