i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
