her facebook's as public as her vagina
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize