so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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