Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
