i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
