just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize