If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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