I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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