Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
