She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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