similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize