Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
