Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
