when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
