Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
