Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
