when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We have started to decorate penises.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
my poor anus
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
