im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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