i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
