why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
