So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
