I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do vagina's smell?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
