Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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