Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
