Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
