bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
