If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
vagina is talking i cant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
