bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
