Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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