The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
