Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
