I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nutella sex= disaster
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
