This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
