I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
