We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
