When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
