i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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