I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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