I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
