My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she pinky promised me she was 18
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pants are for mortals
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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