I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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