i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize