Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
