Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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