Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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